the tales and times of phineus gage

i feel as if the biggest test is overcoming my obsession. i have two years of refraining i have to fulfill until im free to do whatever i want. but the problem is i always have these cravings to do something, anything at all. this morning that urge slithered up and i had to do something about it or i mightve shattered. i told john i had a headache from hell and he told me i could grab the advil myself. silently celebrating his slack i ran ( but not too fast as to make it obvious ) up to the bathroom. i doused my hand with advil and drown my throat with those little red pills. i took 15. and all thats arrived is a big load of nausea and a fever. 2 hours into this experience i sit here grieving with my enslavement, and wonder how in the hell am i going to succeed soberly for 730 days. every prejudice has proven wrong so far. and i feel as if these pills ahve amde me lethargic, i guess i better find a shovel. and dig my own grave.